The Importance of Parental Teamwork
United We Stand
Whether you’re married, divorced, single or in a committed relationship, you probably already know that parenting a teenager often requires a healthy mix of patience and thoughtfulness. That said, the following material might prove helpful – either as a guide or as a reminder – when it comes to communicating with your son/daughter in such a way that your messages are consistently unified and clear. Allowing for the variety of family types, feel free to adapt the following to fit your specific needs ...
Perhaps the single-most important practice to adhere to when communicating with your child is to ALWAYS present a unified approach. Of course, this can be problematic because, as individuals, spouses don’t always share the same perspective when it comes to life-lessons and consequences. So, what can you do?
The simplest strategy involves having private discussions with your partner about things like discipline ahead of time whenever possible. While such conversations are best had in-person, resort to emailing or texting if necessary, and when all of this proves impossible, consider a pre-existing agreement to pause and “never render a decision before conferring with the other.” This provides a window for collaborating so the two of you can arrive at a mutually agreed upon, supportable solution. This is extremely important for two reasons.
First, you want to spare your teenager any potential confusion – they need to clearly understand from the beginning what their parents are expecting. Next, clever teenagers might look to play one parent off the other in order to get a solution they view as more favorable. Stand firm together and remove that risk from the beginning. Of course, you have the ability to re-visit and modify your decisions if needed afterwards. This, too, should be done in private to further underscore your commitment to clarity and joint decision-making.
While your clearly shared vision should prove helpful to your teenager, there are plenty of long-term benefits to presenting such solidarity for parents as well. Arguably, the most impactful might be the feeling of respect that each spouse experiences in playing the role of a valued team member. Keep that in mind as you share in the give-and-take of crafting the standards for your son’s/daughter’s high-school run.
If you’re a single-parent or perhaps share parenting responsibilities with a former spouse, your approach to communication will, most likely, be somewhat different. Borrow from us or seek input elsewhere. Fortunately, there’s no shortage of qualified resources available to help you navigate the difficulties of raising a teen in today’s world. Either way, your child will benefit from your efforts.